Good Wives Don’t Cheat or Do They ?!?

Good Wives Don't Cheat Or Do They?

I know its an old movie. I know extramarital affair is an old subject. I know they are fairly common. I know it’s been discussed to death. Yet the topic attracts intrigue and a lot of judgments.

So when the movie Kabhi Alvida Na Kehna released in 2006, I was a 20-year-old naive college-going girl. The movie struck a chord with me and I really felt it was an honest and realistic depiction of how life and marriages can be, even if the presentation was filmy and a little overdone.

At that time, I saw the movie with my parents who wrote it off as filmy and rubbish. Their main argument was that if a wife, that is Rani Mukerji has such an amazing and devoted husband, she would never, ever cheat on him or fall for anyone else. And similarly, what did Shah Rukh really have to complain about, he had a beautiful, successful, loving wife. My father said no, this is not how life is, good married women, don’t fall in love with random men. And followed it up with the universal parental statement, you are still a kid, what do you know.

Last weekend I happened to see the movie again. Almost fifteen years from that time, ten of which I have been married, I still felt that yes, it can happen to anyone. You can fall in love with someone outside your marriage, whether you follow up on it or nor is a completely different matter. Wives who have great, loving husbands may not necessarily be in love with their husbands. They might care for and be devoted to their husbands but in love with them, maybe not. And I am not even talking about the partners who feel that over time they have fallen out of love with their spouses.

And there are phases in every marriage which are not so great, or boring or tough or frustrating, it cannot always be smooth, fun, happy and satisfying. Boredom rots most marriages in my opinion. It is during these phases that a person is most vulnerable. This is true for both husbands and wives, it can happen very genuinely that you develop feelings for a new person. The excitement, the attention, the newness can be flattering for anyone, but whether they act on it depends on so many other things.

This brings me to a very important and insightful point shown in the movie. When Rani Mukerji and Shah Rukh confess to their affair, the first question that the wife (Preity Zinta ) asks the husband is that are you in love with her? And the first question that the husband ( Abhishek Bachchan ) asks his wife is that did you sleep with him?

This is the crucial and universal difference between men and women. Women attach more importance to emotional infidelity, while men define cheating primarily as physical infidelity. Wives might find it easier to forgive physical indiscretions but might not be able to forgive if the husband has genuine feelings for someone else. While for the husband, a wife physically cheating on him can be the end-all of the relationship.

Our views on these and many more things in life and relationships change as we grow older and maybe, wiser. Would love to hear others’ views on fidelity, infidelity and the likes.

The New Superfood You Should Know About

The new amazing superfood taking the world by storm is MORINGA, also referred to as the Miracle Moringa.

The multi-purpose Moringa tree is mostly found on the foothills of the Himalayas but also grows in other parts of Asia, Africa, and South America.

This green herb is commonly used in South Indian meals and has been used for centuries for its medicinal properties (it is anti-bacterial, anti-viral, anti-inflammatory) and health benefits.

Moringa has a green, earthy taste similar to spinach and matcha.

Moringa powder can be taken dry by swallowing with a glass of water. It can also be mixed in food and drinks like smoothies or shakes or sprinkled over salads, yogurt, hummus, etc. Or you can just take a moringa capsule.

The top benefits of Moringa are :

Gives you youthful and nourished skin

Moringa has the highest antioxidant levels of any food, six times that of goji berries and matcha tea. These are essential for protecting, repairing and preventing cell damage and minimizing skin aging. 

Dry moringa powder is also used for curing skin infections and sores.

Gives you shinier, thicker hair

Moringa contains all the essential amino acids that help in the formation of keratin protein needed for longer, healthier hair.

Reduces tiredness and gives instant energy

Moringa powder contains high doses of mineral sand vitamins like Vitamin A, iron and magnesium. It is ideal for treating anemia and fighting tiredness and fatigue.A green smoothie with moringa in the morning can keep you energized all day.

Boosts immunity

One super benefit of moringa is that it has super immunity boosting powers because of the very high contents of iron and vitamin A.

Preventing and treating cancer

Moringa extract has been researched extensively and seen to have properties that can prevent cancer. It contains Niazimicin, which suppresses the development of cancer cells.

Treating stomach issues

Moringa extract can help in dealing with stomach problems like constipation, gastric issues, and ulcers. It’s high Vitamin B and fiber content helps in digestion.

Helps in treating diabetes

Moringa helps to reduce the amount of glucose in the blood, as well as sugar and protein in the blood and can be used to keep diabetes in check.

Fights insomnia

Moringa contains amino acid Tryptophan, that is essential for the production of the neurotransmitter Serotonin and the sleep cycle regulating hormone Melatonin, and can work wonders for giving you a good nights sleep.

Makes you feel happier

It stimulates the feel-good hormones in the brain and acts as a mood enhancer, and also in the treatment of depression and anxiety disorders.

Do try moringa in any form and share your experiences. I have just started taking it can’t wait for my skin and hair to look younger and healthier and feel better overall.

The Wonder Ingredient

As mothers we are always concerned that our children get the best possible , most nutritious diet . We all include fruits, vegetables, mix of cereals and pulses in their diets as much as we can , but one all round wondrous addition in our kids diet can be RAGI.

Finger millet or Ragi is one of the healthiest grains available and has various health benefits for kids as well as adults. Some of these are :

  • Very good source of calcium and thus, great for bones. Ragi is a very good non dairy source of calcium which is essential for the bones of a growing baby. Calcium is also important for the growth and maintenance of teeth.
  • It fights anemia.Ragi has high levels of natural iron, which work wonders for increasing low levels of haemoglobin.Helps in absorption of iron
  • Ragi has high levels of Vitamin C which can be further enhanced by sprouting. And Vitamin C is essential for absorption of iron.Helps in muscle formation
  • Ragi is high in protein , which helps in muscle formation and growth of the baby.
  • Gets digested quickly and prevents constipationRagi has a low fat content and a high fiber content , and gets digested quickly in the stomach. It promotes healthy bowel movement and thus prevents constipation.
  • Easy for mothers to useRagi is a versatile ingredient and can be used in porridge, khichdi, parathas, laddoos, halwa etc. Also it is easy to cook and very affordable.

My favorite ragi recipe:

Ingredients

  • Ragi flour                1/2 cup
  • Wheat flour             1/2  cup
  • Sugar or jaggery     1/2 cup
  • Butter                       100 gms
  • Baking Soda            1/2 tsp
  • Milk                           2 tbsp

Sift the ragi flour, wheat flour and baking powder together.

Add the butter to this mixture and mix with your hand, till the texture becomes crumbly.

Add sugar or jaggery and mix well.

Add 2tbsp milk to make the dough soft, not too much that it becomes runny.

Keep this dough in the refrigerator for half an hour. After taking it out make small rounds from this dough and then flatten them out.

Pre heat the oven at 180 degrees , and then bake for 15-20 minutes approximately.

Cool them and store them in an airtight container.

Share your favorite recipes , and try this easy and nutritious recipe for your kids.

The Magic of Shopping

I love shopping !! There I said it .. something all women love but few admit. I love shopping for clothes, shoes , make up , home stuff , kitchen ware well everything. Even a visit to the chemist holds various opportunities to shop for me. After all shopping makes me happy, it makes me glow , it makes the world a happier, nicer place.

When I saw the movie Confessions of a Shopaholic , I finally felt that yes there are others like me . I would not say I am an addict but yes , I have a deep love for shopping. And when it comes to the sale season, my joy knows no bounds because as I say you are really saving so much money, not spending it right ?

I go to the mall , the second time this week rationalizing that the sales are on and I’ll just take a look  and only buy a thing or two if it is really amazing and cheap .

Two hours later , my arms full of shopping bags I seem to have forgotten my resolve. I have bought two dresses , jeans, a shirt , make up and espadrilles, all of which needless to say I could have done without. I have been tempted by the danger word that tempts all women SALE . I see a sale in my favorite stores and my sense of judgement and thriftiness desert me. I am drawn to the signs of forty percent , fifty percent off without really assessing what I need, what I want and what I already possess. So tempted are we by the discounts that we forget all the money we are still spending.

Leaving the mall I am disappointed and upset at my rashness but try to convince myself by how much I have saved and I promise myself I will not even enter another shop for the next six months. I am also worried about how much nagging and lectures dear husband will give me.

And just then I see a pair of sunglasses I had been eyeing since a few months at flat twenty percent discount. Recharged and marveling at my good luck at having spotted them , I rush to the store and quickly swipe my card.

Now to rush back home before the husband is back .. these things need to be hidden properly of course !!

The Smart Mom’s Guide To Reducing Plastic Use

Plastic is all around us , in our cars, phones, shampoo and soap packaging, food and water packaging and cannot be totally replaced. Out of the total plastic used in a year only a very small 5 percent of it can be recycled, the rest of it ends up in oceans, rivers and beaches. All of us know the consequences of these, so here are some very simple , easy ways of cutting down on plastic use which I have been using with my family and have proved very easy to implement:

Say No to Plastic Straws

In the USA alone 500 million straws are used each day. Stop thinking that your one straw will not make a difference. If your kids insist on using a straw but the reusable plastic ones, or better still the glass straws or the stainless steel ones that I use which are easily available on Amazon.

Do Not Buy Bottled Water

Remember to carry a bottle of water from home. Let your child buy a reusable bottle of his or her favorite character so that they are happy carryig it everywhere with them.

Say Yes to Cone

At the ice cream shop have you favorite flavor in a cone instead of using a plastic cup and spoon.

Use reusable shopping bags

It takes approximately 10 years for a plastic bag to decompose. Remember to carry a cloth bag from home when you go shopping or just put a few bags in the car .

Say No to Cling Film

cling film for packing tiffins for school or office can be easily replaced by paper wraps easily available on Amazon, or better still I have started using a muslin cloth to wrap parathas and sandwiches every day in the kids lunch boxes.

Make Birthdays more Eco Friendly

Since my kids have started understanding the harm plastic is causing the environment they have become really conscious and this year agreed to have no balloons or their birthday. All the decorations were made of paper, jute and craft materials. Also all the return presents were wrapped in old newspapers.

Ditch Plastic Cutlery

All of us love ordering food from outside and that comes in loads of plastic packaging. But the least we can do is say no to the plastic forks, spoons, chopsticks etc that comes with ( Zomato has the option of no cutlery, choose it ).

Buy Boxes Not Bottles

When buying soaps, shampoos etc buy boxes since they are made of cardboard which can be recycled rather than plastic bottles.

Buy in Bulk

Buy things like pulses, rice, pasta and other staples in bulk to save money and cut down on packaging waste.

As a family once the kids understand how harmful plastic is , I have seen how flexible and keen they are on shifting to eco friendly options. In fact, a few days back at the toy sho

p Amaira asked if they have wooden toy options. And they are very happy carrying their bottles and steel straws everywhere .

Hope you try some of the ideas , and please share your own ideas

Mom Burnout

As I listen to my daughter’s account of her day at school and how 2 older girls scolded her I am scared and anxious. Two hours after the story Amaira is busy playing and I am recounting the incident in my head and wondering how she could have reacted better , how I should train her better to handle situations. Finally I shake myself up and tell myself that it’s too trivial to really get bothered.

Being the mother of two young kids is like constantly being on edge .. each day is filled with new and different kinds of tensions, stress and apprehensions. Yes each day comes with it’s share of fun and laughter but also the constant worrying.

Why did this happen? Why did she say this ? Why did he act like this ? Did something happen in school?Is she being bullied? Is she developing low self confidence ? There are many many questions that you ask yourself constantly. Am I paying too much attention ? Am I focusing too less ? Am I putting too much pressure ? Am I not pushing hard enough ?

I feel like I am caught in a constant whirlwind of thoughts and emotions . In today’s time raising kids is no longer limited to taking care of their health, nutrition, academics and general well being , there are a hundred other challenges that come with being a mother. Each child should be good in studies as well as excel in a few other fields like drama, sports, dancing etc. This should be achieved by pushing the child in the said directions but not too hard. As parents we should boost the child’s confidence by giving him attention and praise but not too much that he becomes spoilt. We should make them do classes in the evening but not so much that they come under pressure.

But who is thinking about the pressure on mothers to follow these myriad rules and standards. Parenting has become so challenging that the poor mother is left at a loss wondering what to do, how much to do . At the end of the day , there is still so much to do that it’s overwhelming , frustrating and exhausting.

But I don’t want to be this person hassled and irritable throughout the day , feeling no joy just getting through the day in a haze.

I want to raise my children in a positive, stress free , happy environment where it doesn’t matter if they are topping the class , or winning in competitions, or learning ten new things every month. They are just 5 and 3 years old, I want them to play and dance and sing as and when they wish, and me to play and dance and sing with them.

What is so Abnormal about CSec ??

My sister in law delivered a healthy baby boy a few days back , and everyone is delighted to have another beautiful addition in the family. She had a a normal delivery, and was admittedly very brave during  the whole time. But here’s the catch everyone has been going on and on about how brave and strong she is, and how I had never wanted a normal delivery and wasn’t strong enough.

My kids are now 5 and 3 and I had both cesarean deliveries as per the doctors advice because of some medical complications. When they were born whoever came to the hospital would ask  ‘Normal kyun nahin kara ? ‘  ‘Aajkal ki ladkiyan normal karti hi nahin hai, inhe easy solution chahiye? ‘ I had to hear all this and many other remarks on how girls these days want to take the easy way out and how in the past our mothers were so strong and selfless.  All this when Iam on a hospital bed writhing in pain, unable to lie down , sit or move. Anyone who has had a Csec will vouch for it, that after the surgery it doesn’t feel like you have taken the easy way out, you are in agony atleast the first few days. How does having a Csec make the whole process of delivering your baby any less wonderful or special, or less ‘normal’. Why is CSec abnormal if it is the need of the hour ?

Does the fact that I had a CSec delivery make me a selfish mother ? Should I have ignored doctors instructions and insisted on a normal delivery putting my baby at risk?

Why are people so judgemental ? Only if you undergo labor pains it is a sign of love for your baby ?

And then come the questions about feeding .. I could only feed my babies for 7-8 months each time due to various factors.Again came the barrage of comments  ‘Girls these days just don’t feed the babies long enough ?’ ‘They don’t want to to be tied down with the baby that is why they give top feed’ .. ‘You don’t eat properly that’s why your feed is not enough.’ I have shed many tears hearing these comments but was unable to explain that to stop feeding my babies wasn’t my choice .

Please let new mothers experience their own unique journey of motherhood. They will gradually learn it all . They will make mistakes but instinctively all mothers know what is best for their baby . So please stop being so judgemental and opinionated on what is the right and wrong way, let them find their own special way.